Kids recite, and remix, the pledge

The Pledge of Allegiance always conjures up feelings of loyalty, makes hearts swell with pride, and causes me to wonder: Who the heck is Bob?The Supreme Court issued a long-awaited ruling on Monday that allows God to maintain his place in the Pledge of Allegiance.

A California atheist, upset that his daughter was being force-fed religion through the Pledge of Allegiance at her public school, brought the matter to court. He just so happened to be involved in a messy custody dispute over the girl, too. Regardless, his action renewed national debate over whether religion should mix with government.

But after all the arguing, two things are certain: God gets to stay. And the pledge will be riddled with malapropisms as children nationwide continue to butcher the ode to a symbol of our country -- one nation, under Bob, invisible, with liberty and justice frog.

What's fitting is that this California crybaby ended up shining a spotlight on the very words he was trying to have stricken. Moreover, everyone who recites the pledge is now conscious of the fact that God gets a shout-out.

Wasn't there an easier and far less costly solution? Couldn't his 10-year-old daughter just have skipped the "under God" part? Her teachers never would have caught on.

Trust me, I survived eight years of Catholic grade school by lip-synching Ave Maria and every other hymn at Mass with my classmates. The priests never knew any better, I was spared ridicule, and my peers were spared bleeding ears and my lousy singing voice.

Everyone was happy, and Jilli Vanilli was never exposed. All was good.

But that was religion, and we're talking about the pledge, and I'm supposed to keep those two matters separate.

So while people try to take the Ten Commandments out of a courthouse and deliberate about whether to remove, "In God We Trust," from our pocket change, kids across this land remain free to keep mutilating the pledge.

That's more offensive than the G-word any day.

On a positive note, at least one part of the recitation is now ingrained in young minds: "Under God" -- the newest addition to the pledge included 50 years ago by Congress -- is the only phrase people are sure to get straight, thanks to the atheist.

That wasn't always the case. Finally, gone are the days of confused kids declaring our nation "underdog," "underground," "under guard" and "under Bob."

The Internet is a frightening window to the various ways in which children botch the Pledge of Allegiance and "The Star-Spangled Banner." It's evident that they have some far-out ideas of what this country's all about.

Take the kid who pledged a lesion to the flag, for example. Ouch. The same little sadist added a touch of flair to his rendition by promising "liberty -- and just this! -- for all."

Then there's the hungry child who promised liver, tea and just rice for all.

The one I'm most concerned about, though, is the little one who thought, "You may be seated," punctuated the pledge because that's how she heard it over the intercom at school every day. Good thing the principal didn't routinely announce a post-pledge bathroom break.

Maybe, after this recent brouhaha in the courts, kids can take away a lesson about the pledge's meaning. Because no matter what god you pray to, I'm fairly certain he doesn't go by Bob.

Actually, I think Harold be thy name.

Reporter Jill Jedlowski can be reached at (815) 729-6055 or via e-mail at jjedlowski@scn1.com.